19. Balancing Restoration and Reinvention: A Guide for Survivor's Navigating Their Journey through Recovery

What's up everybody a couple quick notes before we hop into Episode 19 of the podcast. I want to mention a book that is a good read the creative act, a way of being by Rick Rubin. Really good take if you are in the creative space if you have any interest in the creative space, definitely recommend it. And then I want to touch on one thing, which I do hit a little bit in this episode, although I think we'll do a deeper dive down the road. And that is the role of sports. I've watched a couple of documentaries recently. Highly recommend break point if you haven't caught it. It's a really good follows tennis. There's also full swing, which follows golfers, the McGregor forever series also good. And the last dance what I like about last dance is that follows the bowls and the 90s. And that's really a team sport and versus full swing breakpoint in McGregor, which are individuals sport I think there's a lot of connection between being a stroke survivor and sports when it comes to sort of the mental aspects. The team sport the individual sport, just the the mindset that's required for sports and recovery. What elite athletes do to prepare to overcome? I think it applies a lot to survivors. So I didn't do a huge deep dive in this episode. But those are some good documentaries to check out. And I think we'll do another episode down the road about sports and stroke with stroke recovery. I feel like there's probably something there. So yeah, again, enjoy episode 19 restoration versus reinventing and when to go which direct My name is Will Schmierer Welcome back to another episode of The Lovable Survivor Podcast in today's episode episode 19 of the podcast, we're going to be talking about restoring versus reinventing balancing your post stroke life and how to handle when to restore versus reinvent, aka old self versus new self. Now, there's a lot to talk about with this topic. The biggest question, the one that comes up the most often is when to consider when should you as survivor consider restoring versus reinventing? Now restoring is, you know, obviously, every episode we talk about how Stroke affects people differently. This is no different. It is a case by case. Sort of self discovery journey. And, you know, there's gonna be a lot of things we can cover in this episode and sort of like, you know, drive outline with yourself. I think it's different very physically versus emotionally. I think that's often be a time where individuals struggle. When it comes to the recovery phases. And, you know, I like I said there is no definitive answer. Do I think we all as survivors want that, that sort of old self to a degree? I certainly the parts that were easy and effortless. And it's not that honestly even for me, even the things that are hard now they're worth doing, but it is difficult to know. When is it time to draw draw a line in the sand? I'll give you a quick example. I mean, I still have right side, a hand weakness. My handwriting is better, not 100%. But I will admit I am not constantly putting effort into my handwriting. Well, that's not true. I am putting effort into it on a semi it's just not a daily basis because honestly, it's as much as I want it to be important. I just I don't feel like it is the number one thing I need to be working on each and every day. I think there are other areas that I would prefer to and probably honestly I hate the word should but honestly, yeah, should focus on other things. It's it, you know, you just have to prioritize you can't fix everything. Overnight is sometimes you know, like I said there's there's the guide to The Balancing Act. There's the list, you know, you write that list down and you just gotta decide Is this the most important and, you know, I think it is not for me in this in this particular instance. But again, we're gonna talk about like balancing and, you know, recent restoring versus reinventing physical and emotional, and just how to navigate that for you. I think it always comes down to lists. I know it sounds silly. I know it sounds redundant. But really, you know, it, it, it's an individual thing, and you just have to decide. And just to finish up that story, it's so my right hand is pretty good. Handwriting is up perfect. I think as a kid, maybe you did this too. When you were a kid, I always practiced a little bit lefty even though I was right handed, my sister was left handed, I was kind of jealous. I love that lefties are pretty rare. But I was into sports. And I learned early on there, depending on like baseball is probably the exception. But you don't see a ton of players in the NFL at least quarterbacks and honestly, in the NBA, whichever football and basketball were my top sports, you know? You just don't see that many lefties that go golf Like honestly, is there anybody besides Phil Mickelson? That's a lefty golfer? I mean, probably, but nobody like Phil Mickelson. It's once in a generation. It's pretty rare. So you know, I think that is a question that many survivors struggle with. And I think it really just comes down to what is your preference? And, you know, how important is the task that you're considering? You know, switching? Earlier getting exactly that example? At least with hands, right, your your, should I or do I want to become left handed if I'm right side affected? And then you know, taking a long time to rebuild the heaven. You know, the other question you have to ask yourself, Okay, is this important? Yes. Have I put enough time in? Have I've been seeing progress in other areas? Could I put a little more effort into this? That's again, that's a very individualized question. And you have to just ask yourself, Is this is this because I've not putting enough time in is this because it's just slow, is it because this feels awkward kind of, you know, it still feels awkward for me running I I'm trying desperately to kind of quick in my running but but a long time since I played sports, been a long time since I ran, I'd all honestly, it was like 10 years, I think it was like around 30 was probably the last time I was running on a regular basis, and certainly not like I'm running now. So you know, I was in a wheelchair for a year. Really not doing a lot of athletic. I mean, I was definitely working out last year in 2021, even a little bit at the end of 2020 When I got out of the wheelchair. But I certainly was not walking and running heavily on a daily basis. So you know, my legs still even crossing 2000 miles now in the last six months. There's a little entangling there. So sometimes it's just a matter of practice, practice, practice, you know, and again, this this is restoring is reinventing? Is it a combination? How do you balance? You know, these are just common questions that we get. As survivors. I've seen it time and time again, in my my therapy groups, with either and other patients asking other people in the stroke survivor group that I mean, you know, these common questions and every, it sounds so cliche, but honestly, you you just have to decide for yourself. Do I want that old self? Because, you know, ask yourself, why do you want the? Why do you want to restore your old self? And take the time to reflect on that and see, does it really make sense? If I'm going to do it? What's the plan forward? You know, you have to think about that. Well, you can think about it however you want. But I think a good way to think about it is like if you've ever played sports. And even if you haven't, even if you're just somebody who liked playing in the neighborhood with other kids, right? You don't have to be an athlete. To have this. I think the athlete mentality helps if you played sports, but if you haven't, you probably gotten hurt, playing with your friends at some point in your life and you probably had to recovery, recover from that injury, whether it was a minor thing or you Maybe it was a little more severe, maybe you broke a leg or a hand or a finger, whatever. You know, it takes time to rebuild, right. So you know, using that parallel, as an athlete returning to sport and again, just same as if you didn't play sports probably have been hurt at some point in your life before your stroke or brain injury. So it's really no different. It's just about getting safe getting stable, and then, you know, starting to build that level of comfort and, you know, building that improvement and restoring the old abilities. And I think that that's, you know, that is not easy. In some cases, it's, it's challenging, it definitely is challenging. I mean, I face it every single day. And I still struggle with it three and a half years into this stroke recovery. Because, like I said, like, I just give you the example of a hand, but I'm sure there's others that are not thinking of at this particular second. And yeah, it's it's the desire to have that old self. But on the other hand, three and a half years, and sometimes it is a little bit more, opening myself up to reinventing or changing the way I've, I'm thinking now versus the way I made a thought prior to my stroke. Prior to this situation, it's no less confusing. I don't think it matters. I just happen to be at that sort of middle. I guess a middle aged now, again, I am 40 brought this up on a call with somebody today. And it's like, you know, I'm in the middle of, honestly, I think the youngest I've heard is like a teen which is pretty rare for a stroke. So let's say 20 to 65. Right? I'm 40. I'm right in the middle. So yeah, as much as I want to think I'm sold 20. I'm definitely not. But I'm also not 60 yet, so I you know, Fair enough. Fair enough. I'm in the middle, and it is very hard. Do you go to your old self? Do you want it bad enough? Do I want it bad enough? Or do I want to maybe close that chapter and and just examine? You know, I think you have to also factor that in? When you reinvent, it's not necessarily a change. For better or worse, maybe it's just a change worth exploring? It doesn't. It doesn't have to be anything, but I think you owe it to yourself to see, ask yourself the hard questions. Do I really want like we just discussed? can I recover? Make a plan, you know, decide, move with therapist and whether it's physical therapists, occupational therapists, mental health professionals, whoever it is. Come up with a plan, come up with a strategy come up with a timeline. That seems reasonable, right? I mean, I think you owe it to yourself that to not just put the timeline on yourself, because as a survivor, especially gotta be honest, like I I know that I should give myself more time, often and when it comes to certain things, but I don't. But I also know, that's why I asked for help when I'm talking to my physical therapist, like I want to be able to run at this pace, which seems reasonable to me, but I want to be able to do it in this amount of time. Or, you know, I want to explore another thing and she'll be like, Why don't you give yourself a little bit more time. You can get like, make this step smaller. I mean, I guess that's what I'm always guilty of. Sometimes they want to go from A to Z without, you know, getting all the other 20 Well, I mean, a 26 letters. So A to Z is 24 MB 20. There's plenty of steps in between A to Z. You know, so just be done day. Candidly, be him be honest with yourself. be candid with yourself. You know, when just make sure you're allowing time for that, that improvement to take shape, and you're not really as much as it can feel like as a survivor. Sometimes we're running out of time, there's still plenty of time, like, and there's no I think this is another big one too. I'm just gonna say as a survivor, there's no I mean, yes, we want to get back to the way we used to be. Or, you know, sometimes you just want to get to the new version of yourself. If you're gonna go that route. Totally fine. I do it all the time. But you owe it to yourself to be safe. and also be realistic. So I think that's where balance between restoration reinvention really, honestly, this is gonna sound silly, but it's a skill and it's just you have, you have to give yourself time. Realize that, you know, I've actually been thinking about this a lot, I'm still struggling with the fact that things just take me longer than they used to. I've been reading it in books, I know, I'm not alone, I've been reading it research. It's kind of difficult for me to deal with because I loved personally, the speed with which I used to react the way with which I was able to navigate certain things. I'll give you another example. You know, I'm recording this early June. And so we we had a family thing come up very recently, and, you know, it's fine. Like, for me, it's not, you know, I've been through enough, it's, it doesn't really, it involves me, it involves my family, but it does not involve me specifically. So some plans that we had for early this month have changed, and it's okay, we can certainly overcome, we can certainly prepare, but it's the speed with which things are happening. You know, for me, I kind of like take my time when it comes to, even when something sort of not so great happens. I like to take my time to really assess like, you know, I was really clear about this example, something has happened in the last 24 hours, which has prematurely ended a vacation that never started. So, so there's that and then, um, yeah, so my family is away, and I'm staying at home, but I'm staying at home because a couple reasons because I feel like I need to hold things down. I need to be my role has changed since my stroke. And I think a lot of us can identify with this as you know, I've said it at nauseam, I'm gonna show it to people, I'm six feet 325 pounds, I'm used to being you know, in college, I was the guy that moved everybody support meant most of my life, I've been the big guy to show up to do things. I've been at a household for a long time since I married my wife. My parents are around I got so big, like, every but a lot of things fall on me by default. And it's just kind of my natural role. It's something I've been happy to do have been happy to do my entire life. Usually when there's a big undertaking or crisis, you know, I'm the first one to step up. Ah, you know, I have no problem running the show taking control leading the charge. But in this particular instance Yes, it was important to me. But I just like I I'm still this is where I'm unsure myself. And I think that happens a lot with survivors. It's not anxiety, it's just like, Okay, I can't move as fast I'm not quite as I mean, I'm still a big guy could still do a lot of stuff. I'm certainly in a good healthy spot. But I like to slow down a little I like to really assess and get an understanding of what's going on and what's the best plan forward you know, so so it's fine family's away now take care business down south. I'm at home holding them Fort Worth after the fact like you know, I'm kind of strategizing and it's a new role for me I'm I'm the point man but from a distance so I'm still on the phone involve part of the team but it's just a different role. So I think that is it's interesting timing. Certainly because it is it's been in the last 24 hours I've had to decide and it's very similar to you know, do I restore the old will cheer I could have hopped in the car too and gone down south but you know, the new will has to reinvent and it's like, I don't want to be a burden I just want to be now I'm able to obviously take care of myself and that's fine that you know, is you can look at my wife was taking it a little out of context. It's I do not necessarily want to be by myself. I would much rather that this not happened and we just gone on vacation like we had planned. That's life. We certainly have dealt with Challenges, unexpected happenings before with just my immediate family with my wife and kids and others. So this is this is not our first rodeo, but I think a lot of people are used to this, especially as stroke survivors, you know, and it's, I gotta be honest, you know, this is not a great situation for my family, but I will say it is. And this is so bad to say, but I'm just gonna say it, it's nice to be a survivor, having gone through stuff and not have to be get the person going through a thing for once. Nobody ever wants to go through any kind of family situation, you know, family event, but it is nice to not be the focal point for a change, because I, you know, it's been that way for the last couple of years. So. But yeah, again, you know, just a lot of thoughts when it comes to this. And again, it's, it's, it's, it's not just the physical stuff, physical stuff is always kind of really easy to talk about. But the mental stuff is a little trickier. Um, obviously, I think we talked about it before, but you know, we don't always see the emotional toll things are taking on us, we don't see the emotional toll. For our loved one, you know, that, that this being a survivor takes on family and loved ones, you know, my wife is the primary caregiver for me at this point. And I know she's had a tough time. It's, it's hard. It's, you know, I know, it's hard for her because we talk about it. And I'm incredibly grateful. I'm incredibly thankful. And that's, you know, the reason I'm not with her this week is because honestly, because I'm good enough for taking care of myself, I I certainly wanted, I wanted her to go, I wanted her to leave the boys. You know, but we just decided that the cousin should go play because in case anything happens. They should all be together. And now honestly, I want to be there for my wife. But I think it's just better at this point in my stroke coverage journey. Because I'm a big guy, because you know, we had other plans, because there's things to take care of. And hopefully others can identify with this, because it's always tricky. I want to be there for my wife, but I don't want to be in the way I'm a big guy, I come with a lot of a lot of stuff. You know, I still have machines, I still have a lot of pill ulica. It's not just like, it's not the same as 20 years ago, when I would just throw a bunch of stuff at a backpack and hop in the car and go away for a week. It's just different. It's it, I am very thankful that my life does not revolve around being in a wheelchair anymore. It's fantastic that I've got myself to a healthy spot out of a wheelchair. You know, but it's just it's it. Yeah, it's just, it's just a lot. And honestly, I think when I'm so good at dealing with this stuff, but I'm better being at home because as much as I want to be there immediately for her too. There's too many factors that there's a lot of unknowns. So we're already in summer of 2023. So obviously the kids are able to go with her otherwise she would have left them here. And she would have just gone to be with her family. You know, and on top of that I forgot to mention at the top of the show, I'm a new uncle as of this past weekend. So you know, family stuff is quite a bit of a family's more family stuff than I honestly can handle at this point. It's a It's interesting. It's yeah, I took the morning off. I had a call this afternoon that I again almost forgot about after forgetting about it last week. Which I am insanely sorry about to this individual because I had planned on being in a car traveling to free vacation this week. And I thought we'd just be in the car and I take the call. It'd be super fun sitting in the car talking on the phone. I've dropped my wall my wife drove and yeah, the last 24 hours is kind of put a little damper on that. But anyways, yeah, he's just going to kind of you know, when you think about the post stroke journey and sort of the parallels to You know, do I restore the old self versus new, new self? I do think it is you need. If you have experienced being an athlete, I think it's incredibly helpful. I think it is true. Regardless of this actual topic, I think the process of getting stronger mentally and physically. I will say it's definitely helped me I think having that athletic background and that athletes mentality. And when it comes to resort restoration versus reinvention you know, what it is the same thing is true with I guess, adaptation kind of falls in there, right? Like, is it? You know, restoring is obviously very straightforward, reinvention, straightforward, but adaptation is kind of in that in between. So, you know, let's not forget that too. Because, you know, that is kind of that middle. That very gray area of good enough. And that may work for some things. And I think that's honestly, that's where I've landed with handwriting, it is adaptive, it works for me, it's not ideal, but you know, weighing the options. It's more towards the restore side, but it's definitely not perfect, but I think that adaptation is all right where I need to be and you know, I was gonna, I was gonna dress parallels basketball, but because the NBA Playoffs have just started, which is a really interesting thing to watch. I guess we can get to happen there. You know, I have a lot of thoughts on this topic. It's all I mean, I don't want to boil that down to too little. But at the end of the day, like a lot of things when it comes to stroke cover, you do have to sit down, you have to assess, and you have to decide for yourself. Am I interested in trying to get this fully restored? Do I want to hit that middle ground and just kind of find something adaptive? Or do I want to completely reinvent how I'm doing things now I'm approaching things. Now, just before we wrap up here, I do want to touch on the mental side, because I feel like I feel like I've definitely gone a little more towards the reinvention side on the emotional, sort of mental side of this of the recovery journey. But I also think there were some some things that I was doing before that were very clear for me that were taking a sort of mental toll. And I think we've talked about these as well. But like, my career was great, but I don't think it left me in the best mental state. And I think I just I sort of I know I know, I'm very clear on a lot of things now. Like I don't put up I never put out a lot of BS, but I really don't stand for it now. And I think that is that is becoming more and more clear as each day goes on. I could certainly be because I'm 40 now and I really just don't have time for nonsense of bullshit like I just some working too hard on myself. My life, my emotional and physical health, my family, then the I'm working with them on third, different things like whether they want to work on physical or emotional health, their health in general, like I just be interested in different things. And that's okay, we all evolve and change. This could be this could be completely unrelated to my stroke, however, I feel like it also it certainly has played a role as as has aging, and getting older. I think something sort of does click as you get into your late 30s and start to turn 40 We definitely don't think I'm alone here. You start to have different conversations with your your partner, your spouse, I had no I have conversations with my wife and kids that are just different than even three years ago before my stroke, even three years, you know, 2020 different than then because I just keep doing the work. And I feel like yeah, you know, and it's a lot of trials. A lot of trials and tribulations a lot of testing and trying. I'm definitely Oh Open to try new things, things that I've never thought I'd try things I brushed off for the first half of my life on. Yeah, I mean it's interesting you know, but there's still a few old things that I really want to get back to like woodworking I love I would love, love love to get back into woodworking I you know, I I got back into podcasting, I was into it before, but you know, and there's new things that I want to do and try and like running is a great example. Like I hated running my whole life. I played sports, I was not unfamiliar with running, but I just I had a shitty relationship with running. To be honest, I think I also had a shitty relationship with breathing. And until I discovered that last year, and really took to nasal breathing and doing a lot of that stuff. And again, I'm working on that course, which we'll talk about in a couple episodes. Once once I get that fully fleshed out and released. But um yeah, taking breathing seriously understanding nasal breathing and the power of it. And like how how much I was doing incorrectly, has actually helped with all things that does actually help with mental health as well. It's really interesting how you take to a new thing in it. You know, breathing, obviously, is something we all do. But once you kind of understand if you're breathing in correctly, which to be clear, I was a habitual mouth breather for 39 years. So now that I've gotten into practicing nasal breathing, I do it by practicing continuously. Every day I brew a young that got me into running feel like running is no longer something I hate. It's something I look forward to. Probably somewhat too much. So at this point isn't doing a ton of it. But that's the way I operate, I get into a thing I find it's working and I want to keep doing it. Unless it's just like everything else in life. You see it a lot with marketing and technology. You know, people get into a thing they find the thing that works with him going until doesn't you know, breathing is no different. And I've just seen a lot of positive effects of breathing. So yeah, that's, that's that that's, that's why it's my jam. That's why I talk about all the time I really I think people people don't listen, but they should, just like I should have a long time ago. It's just funny how much better overall your health and well being can be once you just read better. It's that's why I love the title of the course that I'm building breathe better feel better. It's so it's so obvious. But like, Yeah, I mean, even last year, when I got into nasal breathing, it was like holy shit out and I go 40 years and not realize, oh, this thing that we have to do to live I was doing was really okay, but I didn't realize you could do it much better. And I feel much better since learning how to do it much better. It's really interesting how that works out. But um, yeah, I mean, we all know, I think that as survivors and caregivers of survivors and family members that it's never easy being a survivor. It is a delicate balance of restoring versus reinventing both physically and mentally and emotionally and you really just as with everything else, it is sometimes a struggle, it is sometimes disheartening, there are times where you don't know if you want to give up and say fuck this shit, I'm out or if it you know, is it, it's always worth continuing. But it's Yeah, I think we're all guilty of having those days. And it's not even guilty. It's like we deserve that it's okay to have those days. Just be mindful that you're not having too many of those days without talking to somebody because, you know, it's hard. It's just it is hard. We talked about it every single episode, just how difficult these changes are and I think you know, when it when when it comes to restoring versus reinventing, just remember to try to stay resilient focus. And it's okay also to, to adapt, you know, as you go through the process and just reassess, as always what works best for you may not work best for somebody else, but it's certainly worth talking about and having conversations with other survivors, your therapy team, everybody involved your caregivers, your family. And, you know, because these decisions not easy, honestly, but not, you know, and I can't tell you. Yeah, well, you've been trying for two years and it's not any better. Maybe you should be left handed like you just need to be comfortable with those choices. But you need to be honest with yourself as well. So, again, I know this is not super clear, there is no definitive answer when it comes stroke, we all know that that is really as time goes on, you sort of understand him more, but if you're early in the journey, just know that that is an ongoing process. And so is this you know, until until you feel like you have restored or reinvented every facet of your life. God bless. Best of luck to you, it's seems like to be I'll be doing this till the end of time. And that's okay. It just, it just comes down to personal preference. So that's it for restoring versus reinvented couple of things I do want to talk about on the fun side of things. Let's give my friend Yvonne a shout out making Twitter friends and if you are into social media and stroke survivor, caregiver, family member of somebody who's had a stroke, hit me up on Twitter, I my handle is at Lone Wolf survivor. But making Twitter friends is a free email course by my buddy, Yvonne. Check it out making Twitter friends.com Put it I'll put a show, put a link in the show notes. Really cool seven, five day email course. This is somewhat what my course is based on i It is to Vaughn. I did this, because I know Gabon through some well through Twitter, but also through another thing. And so he just released a video series that I really enjoyed on making a he I like a mini course, for email, which is something I've been kind of not so into. But really, he showed me Oh, I dig it. So I'll be kind of working on that the next couple weeks and releasing that soon. But yeah, that's a cool thing to check out on Twitter and the internet. Let's see Netflix. You know, I love the NBA playoffs but dead. I love Denver versus Miami. But Denver is a really solid fundamental basketball team. The Miami Heat are a little bit different. I love the series. But I love the NBA. And I've loved the playoffs. But this NBA Finals is the way they have it scheduled the way it goes back. And I don't know. Yeah, I just miss a couple of weeks ago when there was playoffs every other night. So we'll see by hopefully, you know, it's tied at one one in the NBA Finals. So it'll be interesting to see how that plays out before the next episode. But on Netflix, I cannot believe it. But I am recommending a CW program all American, I just watched half of season four and all of season five that is now available on Netflix. I have no idea why I like this show so much compared to all the other options to watch on television. But I guess part of me just wants something different. I really like all American, I think it's a good show. So check that out. If you're into it. It is a little football related, but not really. And then the other recommendation I'm going to make I cannot believe I'm making. I watched over the weekend. Bama rush, a little documentary on HBO. Really interesting. Having been in Greek Life myself, although clearly not at Alabama, because I did not want to go there. Fun fact, my grandfather was a professor at University of Alabama. And my grandparents used to live in Tuscaloosa. And we used to go visit them when I was a kid. But it does not look any more exciting than it did 2530 years ago as a young kid. But yeah, I think people will make it a big deal about that. I don't I don't know. Greek life was something at Miami definitely not as popular as some of the schools that are not major metropolitan areas. But yeah, I think it's pretty. Nothing earth shattering to me. It's kind of weird to see that. No, almost nothing has changed in 20 years since I rushed a Greek life. I mean, I think the only real difference is that now things are all over social media and when I was in college, so Social media was just starting out. So yeah, a little different, um nothing surprising to me. But you may find it interesting. I mean, it's definitely interesting. It's worth an hour and a half watching. Certainly in the background if you're into it. But yeah, I think that's it's, it's, it's worth a look, it said I love watching things that are just kind of unique. And although this show is not always about what's happening in the world around us, I like to be aware of things around us whether they're good, bad or ugly. You know, because they're fun to talk about. It's nice to know what's going on in the world. Especially in a world where we kind of a lot of us work from home now. So yeah, recommend those things. And I think that's it, we'll leave it there. So that's the end of episode 19. Hope you enjoyed it and looking forward to talking to you next week. And